LOST: 30-something Woman

Factoid

All the things I learn on my way to work due to television screens in the train, Times Square news banners and the elevator screen....

• According to some giant billboard in Times Square, there are 20,000 more women in NYC than there are men. Accuracy of numbers is questionable, but from my perspective, this may explain MANY things.

• People who do work that they are interested, vested in and see the value are 60% more productive and are 75% less likely to be subject to absenteeism. DUH

• The Chihuahua from the Taco Bell ads from the late 90's...."yo quiero Taco Bell" died. RIP.

Shrug

My meet & greet last week was with Lab Guy. He's nice, smart, Bulgarian, however, slightly negative. Maybe he's just a glass 1/2 full kind of guy. It was interesting to talk to him. We had each had a beer. Split a small pizza. Split the tab, at his request. I obliged without question. He insisted on walking me to the subway. I gave him a hug and he said, "Ciao ciao" and I left.

I didn't hear from him for a few days, so I thought that the feeling was mutual and that I walked away unscathed from another harmless meet & greet. Friday I got an email from him asking me if I wanted to go to the movies with him on Saturday. I replied that I couldn't. My mom's birthday was Saturday night and we were doing family dinner. I started to explain all of this in my email and stopped b/c I realized, why am I explaining all of this. I said it was great to meet him and then said that I wasn't free on Saturday and maybe another time. I got an email back that said, Hi. Have a good weekend. "Another time" it is. I'm going to see Bruno with my 2 gay friends. Have a nice time.

I assume that him putting "another time" in quotes was his way of telling me that he thinks my email was a blow off? I shrugged. Ok, if that's what he interpreted. Did I do that intentionally? No. It was the truth. The truth is I didn't think there was much of a connection. O-well.

Another guy has surfaced (seriously, if you need to feel like you've got guys all in your mix, online dating is the way to do it), we'll call him BK. His initial email to me was, "Hello username>".

That's all.

I stared at the email quizzically and then replied, "Hi username> what's up? That's all you could say?". I was being snarky. Didn't think he'd reply. He did. Now let me digress. Seriously??? What is with the nominal email content? One sentence? And now just a "hi". REALLY???? This time round online I'm feeling like the effort has dwindled to nothing. Or making a "fake effort", like Europe Guy who called me 2 Sunday's ago....and then never called me again. WTF?

Within seconds of my snarky reply, BK wrote back and said he was trying to ping me on the online site's IM, but wasn't getting thru. He asked if I had IM thru another service. Feeling open and with nothing else to do, I obliged. Of course, I read his profile and decided I was curious enough. We IM'd for about 30 minutes and you know what? He makes me laugh! I signed off. He's IM'd me here and there, but we have not made plans to meet yet. He IM'd me yesterday and asked if I wanted to get a drink after work last night, but I had plans.

Snakey is arriving on Thursday night for the weekend, so the rest of this week might not work. I asked if he was free tonight, but he isn't.

Shrug.

Merry Go Round

I have a meet & greet tonight. This guy and I have had one sentence exchanges for about a month. At one point he disappeared for awhile. I have zero expectations. In fact, I should probably go read his profile just to get a baseline idea of who or what he's about.

Shore Guy...despite texting me all weekend has disappeared. Another guy who I'll call Europe Guy, wrote to me from Europe (where he was on vacation). Told me he was interested in meeting. He disappeared for awhile. Resurfaced and actually called me on Sunday night. I was out at dinner w/PL Girl, so I didn't pick up. Called him back an hour later. No answer. He texted me at 11pm Sunday night and said he'd call me Monday. No word from him.

And according the the online sight, both Shore Guy and Europe Guy have both logged on recently.

Hmmmm.....

Of course, of all of these guys Europe guy is the one I'm most curious and "interested" in right now. And as the dating would have it....he's the one who is not being as responsive and 'available' and that makes me wonder about him more! ARGH!

Knock-knock...

...is this thing still on? Is there anyone even still reading? I've become a passive blogger. I state this everytime I actually blog these days don't I? It's guilt. It's like my Facebook activity, I'm a VERY passive FB'r. I just can't get into it.

Anyway, I hope those who are still stopping by had a great July 4th! Mine was great, very relaxing! It started with a VERY last minute trip to Vegas to meet up with Miss M from SF. Who knew that Vegas could be relaxing? Even in 104 degree heat? Here's the trick....get up early and be at the pool by 8am. You can tolerate it until about 11am when you could probably fry an egg on the pool cool deck. Then retreat inside (which isn't hard in Vegas), go to the spa and chill all afternoon. Wander the hotel, eat and then people watch. Repeat.

The only memorable and funny thing that happened was that we got LOCKED in our room before we left to go out one night. Yes, LOCKED IN! We had to call the front desk. They sent up security who knocked on our door and keep knocking. Until Miss M yelled, "we can't open the door! we are locked in!". Then they put their master key in and let is out. Not the place you want to be stuck in your room, Vegas. Unless you are a couple, I suppose.

Speaking of couples.....I went on 2 dates last week. One with Fit Man and another with Shore Guy. Both were nice guys. Both were easy dates. I'm not sure if the chemistry for me is there, but they both expressed how they really liked getting to know me and wanted to see me again. Shore Guy has been texting me since (including moments after we left each other), however, hasn't really asked me out again. He just texted the other night about how, "we need to catch up soon". Fit Man - who is being called that b/c he seems to be sort of obsessed with his body (last night I told Col and PL girl, that maybe he is man-o-rexic). Don't get me wrong for 43yo he is in great shape, and has no problem letting you know and talking about it  ALL. OF. THE. TIME. He had asked me in emails before we met twice, what it was about his profile or him (re: his body) that I found attractive. While he is nice, I don't think I'm all that attracted or interested. Last night he emailed asking if we could meet up tonight, but if we could do so after he worked out b/c he wants to get back into his regime and b/c he ate 15 pieces of bacon on Sunday.

Shore Guy is very sweet. Slightly shy. We have a very similar palate and interests and cross-country living. Bc he is slightly shy, I felt like I had to be "on" to keep things going. Nonetheless nice, smart and sweet. How many times have I used "nice" and "sweet" to describe him? We'll see.

I think with the holidays recently and overall it being summer, things online have slowed. I've got another month to go before I expire (pun intended), so we'll see.

I would go out with Shore Guy again, if he asks me. If not, that' ok, too. As for Fit Man.....as the moments drag on, I find maybe it's only fair to just stop here if I am not interested.

the goings ons

What's been going on.....

• Layoffs @ work = chaos for the work that I do, especially when mgmt doesn't THINK

• PMS

• 2 meet & greets are pending....one on Sunday, one sometime next week

• Work has been hectic

Went to see "The Hangover". I freaking loved it! Shocking b/c it's not a movie I'd think I'd l

All is ok. Just finding I'm having some trouble concentrating and focusing. It's been very day by day. See. I'm even at a loss for words to write b/c I'm watching "sense & sensibility" for the 10+ time. I love Jane Austen!

Michael Jackson dead. Crazy. I heard about an hour before I left the office. I work in Times Square. It was bizarre. People were literally just standing in the street. Well, the "street" which is now blocked off for pedestrians....just standing around in shock of the news, watching the Jumbotron about his death. People passing by on their phones talking about what a loss and how great he was. I was getting more info listening to people passing by me than the news was giving!

King of Pop - RIP.

Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa, ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa...

REALLY?

I know. Lost- why in the hell do you just keep putting links on your blog vs. writing?? More soon, but this was too good not for me to post. You know that SNL bit that Seth Myers and Amy Poheler used to do during the news called, "REALLY?" That's all I could say when I read this.

Man Sues Match.com For Feeling Rejected

Look....let's be clear. Online dating is tough. You can "feel" like you are getting rejected if you reach out to someone and they don't respond, or they respond with an auto-generated response that they click that says, "So and So, received your wink, but isn't interested". But, to sue b/c it's causing you humiliation? It's a self-subscribed service, dude! This guy willingly PAID to be on the site! Gesh. As a single person who has CHOSEN and PAID to get back online, yes...I'm not going to lie...it has it's moments of disappointment and "what's wrong with me?' and self-confidence blowing moments, but I don't think it's the online service providers fault! 

However, to one point in the blurb, he is right that Match does seem to keep people's profiles up even if they are no longer active. I remember getting emails when I wasn't even a subscriber from people who were interested in my profile. 

(Wow - this IS turning into a post and not just a link!)

Over the weekend, I had my friends Int'l couple in townfrom SF. They were in town to attend a wedding. We went out to dinner on Saturday night with one of Int'l couple's friend. He brought his gf with him and after dinner while we had drinks, they question was posed to this woman about how they met. She was somewhat quiet and said very shyly that they had met online thru match! Which we all thought was great! I feel like the stigma associated with online dating these days is practically gone. if you are single have been on a online site, you for sure have noticed how everyone is on it. All sorts and types. In fact, lately I've had NUMEROUS people tell me how their friends met their current SO or friends who are getting married from it. Make no mistake, it doesn't mean that dating is easier and meeting someone is easier, but it does provide an opportunity.

I'm still on. I'm talking to a few guys. But, it's slow go. We communicate and people disappear. Also no one that I'm very interested in, but we'll see. I absolutely have moments of feeling defeated, but that's just me and I think NORMAL, but I don't go blaming other people for it!

I'm intrigued by the all of the "articles" or links that I've posted lately b/c ...yes, I do think some of it is true, but it's all in how much you want to take it to heart. I have no delusions that online will solve my dating woes. If you've been a reader of mine for awhile, you will know that I've gone back and forth on it for years. The fact is that as one gets older it CAN get harder.

Send me good dating vibes, please!

Links

I'm just full of link these days......here's another one.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

How to toss toxic mates (or not cool behavior from someone you are "dating")

More actual posts soon!!

There is always something....

.....to not make it easier.....

Internet Dating is not Color Blind

Whether you like to date beyond your color or not! 

Dealing with the race factor  

Don't

I went on a meet & greet this week with someone I met online. His emails were light, funny and interesting. He indicated that "email is a blunt instrument" and that we should meet sooner than later. I agreed. In the past, I've always preferred a bit more information and emailing to occur before meeting someone. It was a bit more comfortable for me. But, this is a new time and I'm changing my M.O and experimenting b/c I get that in this day in age, people just want to know and move on. I'm also well aware that my tendency to "get to know" in the safety of email is rooted in my past experiences.

He picked a place and it turned that that place was closed. I let him know and we decided on another location which turned out to be a wine bar. I asked him if he wasn't really into wine, we could could elsewhere b/c I'm aware, that not everyone likes wine. He even sent me a cute text during the day before we met about something I had mentioned.

We met up and I was a few moments late. He was handsome. Looked like his picture. We sat down, he flipped thru the menu and said, "they only have wine?" and I said yes and that like I had mentioned, if that didn't work for him, we could go elsewhere. He said, 'I don't know wine. I just know I like to drink".

We started talking and he's a in a start-up and a computer programmer. He is going to leave his job and start his own stuff this fall. We talked at length about his project and after an HOUR of talking about just his project and what he hopes to do with it. I found myself getting bored and trying to convince myself that it wasn't so bad. That maybe there is something to work with. He never once asked me anything about me. NOT ONCE. Not even a where do you work? I kept trying to be optimistic, but he was rigid and quite honestly, socially awkward. Almost like he works alone at home all day and hasn't interacted with people in a long time. At one point, when I managed to get the conversation to take on a lighter note. Things just fell silent. Like....neither of us talked. I looked around the room and then after a minute or 2. I just said, "So! What can I tell you about me?" and he just looked at me and then moved on to another topic.

Um. ok.

No matter the fact that he is normal looking. No matter that he's clearly smart. No chemistry. No all about you.  No go. I finally decided that after 2 hrs I was bored and tired and hungry. So, he walked me to the train station and that was all. No, it was nice to meet you. No nothing. Clearly he wasn't feeling it and nor was I. Maybe he shouldn't knock email as a blunt instrument, b/c he needs to inject his humor and character into his acutal being. I don't think he was nervous b/c he was also adept at telling me that he could go into a bad and meet women, but he wants to CONNECT with them. No harm no foul. Just sort of.....meh.

The online dating adventures continue.....so far I've had quite a few interested people who are in Washington DC, Boston and North Carolina. Nice, but a bit too far.

Now for something, I don't get.....

What is up with posting about 10 pictures of scenery and things from your activities and YOU ARE NOT IN THE PHOTOS??? I want to see pictures of you, not your slideshow of your vacation!

No *sigh*

"Just when I thought I was out.....they pull me back in." - Michael Corleone, The Godfather.

That's often how I feel about online dating. And like a drug, I always go back for a little hit. Being that it's spring, I'm full of clairty and positivity.....I was feeling froggy one day and decided to post my profile back up. Col recently did so, as well. In fact, I had been IM'ing with her last week and said how I had been entertaining it and I inserted a *sigh* after I told her so. She wrote back, "if you do it, don't sigh about it".

You know when someone says something so simple, yet it makes a big impact? 

This was one of them.

I realized that I was already setting up the vibe of defeat and self-depreciation, just by adding a deep sigh!I took some time to think about it. This is a zen moment here ....and I reached down deep and thought about it. I'm not unrealistic. I asked myself the reasons why I felt this itch or why I was even drawn into going back online. Once I answered that and reached that place of comfort. I put my profile back up. AND. I. DIDN'T. SIGH. I'm just opening the door to the universe, as they say....more zen phraseology.

I'm out there.....so far so good. A very nice email from a gentleman who acknowledged that he was not in my articulated age range (I liked that he paid attention), but that he just had to say hello. He's 50. After looking at his profile, I decided that while he seemed like a sincere man, 50 was just a bit too old for me. Instead of just disappearing into the black cyberspace hole. I wrote him back and thanked him, but said that I didn't think we would be a match and wished him the best of luck. I'm certain that for some 50 is not too old at my age, but for me it is. I'm loosening up the preferred criteria, but 50 is a bit too much for me. 

So, there you have it.....with spring. I'm springing forward and opening up the door for some fresh air.

I told Tsunami Girl that I had been thinking about it and she responded with, "Secretly I want you to get back online, so I can hear the stories. Sometimes I miss it". Not exactly, the reason I wanted to get back online to share crazy stories with people, but....um.....ok.