LOST: 30-something Woman

the goings ons

What's been going on.....

• Layoffs @ work = chaos for the work that I do, especially when mgmt doesn't THINK

• PMS

• 2 meet & greets are pending....one on Sunday, one sometime next week

• Work has been hectic

Went to see "The Hangover". I freaking loved it! Shocking b/c it's not a movie I'd think I'd l

All is ok. Just finding I'm having some trouble concentrating and focusing. It's been very day by day. See. I'm even at a loss for words to write b/c I'm watching "sense & sensibility" for the 10+ time. I love Jane Austen!

Michael Jackson dead. Crazy. I heard about an hour before I left the office. I work in Times Square. It was bizarre. People were literally just standing in the street. Well, the "street" which is now blocked off for pedestrians....just standing around in shock of the news, watching the Jumbotron about his death. People passing by on their phones talking about what a loss and how great he was. I was getting more info listening to people passing by me than the news was giving!

King of Pop - RIP.

Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa, ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa...

REALLY?

I know. Lost- why in the hell do you just keep putting links on your blog vs. writing?? More soon, but this was too good not for me to post. You know that SNL bit that Seth Myers and Amy Poheler used to do during the news called, "REALLY?" That's all I could say when I read this.

Man Sues Match.com For Feeling Rejected

Look....let's be clear. Online dating is tough. You can "feel" like you are getting rejected if you reach out to someone and they don't respond, or they respond with an auto-generated response that they click that says, "So and So, received your wink, but isn't interested". But, to sue b/c it's causing you humiliation? It's a self-subscribed service, dude! This guy willingly PAID to be on the site! Gesh. As a single person who has CHOSEN and PAID to get back online, yes...I'm not going to lie...it has it's moments of disappointment and "what's wrong with me?' and self-confidence blowing moments, but I don't think it's the online service providers fault! 

However, to one point in the blurb, he is right that Match does seem to keep people's profiles up even if they are no longer active. I remember getting emails when I wasn't even a subscriber from people who were interested in my profile. 

(Wow - this IS turning into a post and not just a link!)

Over the weekend, I had my friends Int'l couple in townfrom SF. They were in town to attend a wedding. We went out to dinner on Saturday night with one of Int'l couple's friend. He brought his gf with him and after dinner while we had drinks, they question was posed to this woman about how they met. She was somewhat quiet and said very shyly that they had met online thru match! Which we all thought was great! I feel like the stigma associated with online dating these days is practically gone. if you are single have been on a online site, you for sure have noticed how everyone is on it. All sorts and types. In fact, lately I've had NUMEROUS people tell me how their friends met their current SO or friends who are getting married from it. Make no mistake, it doesn't mean that dating is easier and meeting someone is easier, but it does provide an opportunity.

I'm still on. I'm talking to a few guys. But, it's slow go. We communicate and people disappear. Also no one that I'm very interested in, but we'll see. I absolutely have moments of feeling defeated, but that's just me and I think NORMAL, but I don't go blaming other people for it!

I'm intrigued by the all of the "articles" or links that I've posted lately b/c ...yes, I do think some of it is true, but it's all in how much you want to take it to heart. I have no delusions that online will solve my dating woes. If you've been a reader of mine for awhile, you will know that I've gone back and forth on it for years. The fact is that as one gets older it CAN get harder.

Send me good dating vibes, please!

Links

I'm just full of link these days......here's another one.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

How to toss toxic mates (or not cool behavior from someone you are "dating")

More actual posts soon!!

There is always something....

.....to not make it easier.....

Internet Dating is not Color Blind

Whether you like to date beyond your color or not! 

Dealing with the race factor  

Don't

I went on a meet & greet this week with someone I met online. His emails were light, funny and interesting. He indicated that "email is a blunt instrument" and that we should meet sooner than later. I agreed. In the past, I've always preferred a bit more information and emailing to occur before meeting someone. It was a bit more comfortable for me. But, this is a new time and I'm changing my M.O and experimenting b/c I get that in this day in age, people just want to know and move on. I'm also well aware that my tendency to "get to know" in the safety of email is rooted in my past experiences.

He picked a place and it turned that that place was closed. I let him know and we decided on another location which turned out to be a wine bar. I asked him if he wasn't really into wine, we could could elsewhere b/c I'm aware, that not everyone likes wine. He even sent me a cute text during the day before we met about something I had mentioned.

We met up and I was a few moments late. He was handsome. Looked like his picture. We sat down, he flipped thru the menu and said, "they only have wine?" and I said yes and that like I had mentioned, if that didn't work for him, we could go elsewhere. He said, 'I don't know wine. I just know I like to drink".

We started talking and he's a in a start-up and a computer programmer. He is going to leave his job and start his own stuff this fall. We talked at length about his project and after an HOUR of talking about just his project and what he hopes to do with it. I found myself getting bored and trying to convince myself that it wasn't so bad. That maybe there is something to work with. He never once asked me anything about me. NOT ONCE. Not even a where do you work? I kept trying to be optimistic, but he was rigid and quite honestly, socially awkward. Almost like he works alone at home all day and hasn't interacted with people in a long time. At one point, when I managed to get the conversation to take on a lighter note. Things just fell silent. Like....neither of us talked. I looked around the room and then after a minute or 2. I just said, "So! What can I tell you about me?" and he just looked at me and then moved on to another topic.

Um. ok.

No matter the fact that he is normal looking. No matter that he's clearly smart. No chemistry. No all about you.  No go. I finally decided that after 2 hrs I was bored and tired and hungry. So, he walked me to the train station and that was all. No, it was nice to meet you. No nothing. Clearly he wasn't feeling it and nor was I. Maybe he shouldn't knock email as a blunt instrument, b/c he needs to inject his humor and character into his acutal being. I don't think he was nervous b/c he was also adept at telling me that he could go into a bad and meet women, but he wants to CONNECT with them. No harm no foul. Just sort of.....meh.

The online dating adventures continue.....so far I've had quite a few interested people who are in Washington DC, Boston and North Carolina. Nice, but a bit too far.

Now for something, I don't get.....

What is up with posting about 10 pictures of scenery and things from your activities and YOU ARE NOT IN THE PHOTOS??? I want to see pictures of you, not your slideshow of your vacation!

No *sigh*

"Just when I thought I was out.....they pull me back in." - Michael Corleone, The Godfather.

That's often how I feel about online dating. And like a drug, I always go back for a little hit. Being that it's spring, I'm full of clairty and positivity.....I was feeling froggy one day and decided to post my profile back up. Col recently did so, as well. In fact, I had been IM'ing with her last week and said how I had been entertaining it and I inserted a *sigh* after I told her so. She wrote back, "if you do it, don't sigh about it".

You know when someone says something so simple, yet it makes a big impact? 

This was one of them.

I realized that I was already setting up the vibe of defeat and self-depreciation, just by adding a deep sigh!I took some time to think about it. This is a zen moment here ....and I reached down deep and thought about it. I'm not unrealistic. I asked myself the reasons why I felt this itch or why I was even drawn into going back online. Once I answered that and reached that place of comfort. I put my profile back up. AND. I. DIDN'T. SIGH. I'm just opening the door to the universe, as they say....more zen phraseology.

I'm out there.....so far so good. A very nice email from a gentleman who acknowledged that he was not in my articulated age range (I liked that he paid attention), but that he just had to say hello. He's 50. After looking at his profile, I decided that while he seemed like a sincere man, 50 was just a bit too old for me. Instead of just disappearing into the black cyberspace hole. I wrote him back and thanked him, but said that I didn't think we would be a match and wished him the best of luck. I'm certain that for some 50 is not too old at my age, but for me it is. I'm loosening up the preferred criteria, but 50 is a bit too much for me. 

So, there you have it.....with spring. I'm springing forward and opening up the door for some fresh air.

I told Tsunami Girl that I had been thinking about it and she responded with, "Secretly I want you to get back online, so I can hear the stories. Sometimes I miss it". Not exactly, the reason I wanted to get back online to share crazy stories with people, but....um.....ok.

Useful

I just went out to the little deli around the corner from my office to get some lunch. While waiting for my order, I observed a brief interaction. A young lady was ordering her salad and then when she went to the beverage case to get her drink, she apparently wanted a drink that was on the very top shelf that she could not reach. She turned to a tall guy standing on line waiting to order and nonchalantly said, "Excuse me, could I borrow your tallness to get me that drink?" and she pointed to the yellow drink on the top shelf as she held the beverage case door ajar.

The guy obliged and handed it to her and she went off on her way to pay. I was still waiting for my order and I listened and watched the guy who helped her and his friend talk about it. He seemed bemused and actually pleased with himself that he had helped her. He and his friend engaged in some oogling of her as she paid for her food. They had a chuckle about if she had targeted him or done some real "thinking" of who was the tallest guy who could help her. Tall guy's friend was a bit shorter, might not have been able to reach the drink, actually.

Tall guy, then kept glancing at her as she was paying. I don't know why I found this not only amusing but interesting. I wondered if she was in closer proximity if he would've struck up a conversation with her, flirt, or whatever. If this had been in a bar, would the oogling and flirting been different? It also struck me that this young lady was not (at least it appeared to me) intentionally flirting or trying get Tall guy's attention. She just wanted her drink. As my order was ready, I noticed the 2 guys were STILL sort of smiling and chuckling about it.

Some guys just need to feel useful.

Note to self -- given my height challenges, I might need to be a bit more selective when choosing someone tall to help me get the cereal I want off of the top shelf while grocery shopping. I am often stepping on the lower shelf, trying to balance myself and "tipping" my desired cereal off the top shelf to catch it and put in my cart. Come to think of it, my height challenges provides me with many opportunities to seek "help".

Hahaha!

"single" office drama?

I was working with an SVP today at work. There are a variety of issues on her team. Mostly interpersonal issues. Oh, why am I trying to make it sounds professional. Let me give it to you straight....they are acting like immature high school kids. Seriously. There is a WHOLE "Mean Girls" thing going on there. Cliques. Leaving people out. Making fun of people, etc. I've heard more than I need to while inadvertently collecting data and conducting an assessment with this team.  I mean I even got TEARS from one girl. Such an emotionally charged group!

Anyway, as this SVP and I were discussing the results of my data collection, we got on the subject of the lack of maturity and the unprofessional behavior of some of them. She said she was going to be candid. She said that they are mostly young and some of them are in their early 30's, that it's a bit ridiculous that they are acting like high school girls (which I agree and should mention there are 2 men on the team). She then made this statement, "the other thing is they are all single and I feel like that's all they have in their life, which is work and going out and I feel like this behavior might be the result of them acting out b/c they have nothing else in their life. They all want to meet someone, but...."

I felt my head tilt a bit to the right. Wow. Did she just say that their behavior is due to the fact that they are single?? Zoinks! Of course, she is saying this as a married woman with a toddler. I actually think that this SVP is right around my age...no more than 4 yrs older than me. She said it as if, she assumed that I was married or with someone. Like...I WOULD UNDERSTAND OR AGREE.

She then made a few similar references to specific people on the team. I just smiled and got us back to what we were discussing.

The awkwards part to me....is that I acutally LIKE this SVP as a person! Do I agree that the antics on the team are ridiculous? Yes. Do I think it's b/c they are single? Um...no.

I've talked about this before, this weird thing that attached people do....FORGET THAT BEING SINGLE IS NOT A FREAKING CURSE!  Gesh! They were single at some point, too!

On the same wavelength, I encountered the following statement from someone who is not married but with a signfigant other, "when I was single I.....(fill in the blank)". Um..if people are going to get that technical b/c they FEEL like they are no longer single....we get it! Here's the thing....technically YOU ARE STILL SINGLE. YOU ARE A SINGLE HUMAN BEING!!!!!

Mmmwwahhhahahahahahaha!

You thought I was going to say that they aren't techincally single until they are married right? Naw. I'm not that prosaic or literal.

All I'm saying is ....have a filter and don't assume that the person you are talking to shares the same belief as you (unless you confirm it). Respect those that are single and still looking. You don't hear people saying, "I'm so glad I don't have kids" to people who HAVE kids, do you? Exactly.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

:-)

Where was I?

Things I didn't have a chance to talk about in the past month.....

I ran the most I have ever run in my entire life a few weeks ago in April. Col has graciously been my motivation to change up my exercise regime as I attempt to run. Let me mention. Col is a runner. She's done several marathons and is doing one this summer! We have been trying to run at least once a week together. After the 1st time we met up to run, she convinced me to sign up for a 4 mile race in Central Park. I was admittedly a bit freaked out b/c the most I had ever run before was a 5K. Oh, and did I mention that it was nearly 5 yrs ago and I didn't think I was going to get thru mile 2? Um, ya.

I've never been a runner. I could barely complete the 1 mile run we had to do in high school as part of the fitness test or whatever. I was one of "those" girls, who moaned and cross the line about 10 mins after everyone else did. Once I went off to grad school, I was surrounded by people who ran. My roommates, my friends and I never once thought, "hm..that sounds like fun, let me do that!"

Col and I only managed to run one other time before this 4 mile do-dad. I was slightly nervous and tried to run on my own. Guess what. It's a fail. I discovered that I can't run on my own! I either run too fast and I peeter out after a mile. Or I am just bored. When Col and I run, we are talking and laughing and there is someone I feel like I want to keep up with, so it's not so bad. And let's face it, I don't want to look like a giver-up'r, especially when someone can witness it!

Day of the race, all is fine. When we got to Central Park, I was amazed at how many people were there! Hundred and hundreds! I got a cool shirt. A little thingy that went on my shoe to track my time and just felt like I might actually "look" like someone who runs. Once we were off, Col was fantastic at setting a pace that I could maintain. I won't lie mile 2 was a bit hard. I seriously thought it would never be over,  but once we got to mile 3, something took over and I thought, 'hm..I can do this. it's not so bad"

Col was right, I had nothing to be insecure about. Old, young, skinny, fatties, kids, all types of people were running. Some were ahead of us, some were behind, but they were all running. As Col says, it's one of the few sports that everyone and anyone can join. Professional or amateur.

When we crossed the finish line, it was awesome! So much positive energy! Crowds, families,friends, music, smiles, support, feelings of achievement. I should also mention it was a run for cancer research. So many people had signs pinned to them, saying who they were running for, which was even more cool. I felt really good afterwards. It was HUGE for me!!! Sorry for all you runners out there who are probably laughing thinking that 4 miles was huge for me, it was! I wanted acknowledgement! I wanted a "you are awesome", "good for you!" something that I'd want my parent to say. I finally looked at Col and said, "I NEED A HIGH 5!". She laughed and gave me an hard-smacking high 5 and I was elated!

We went out for breakfast afterwards. I went home and I thought to myself, "damn...people who run marathons do about what I did today about 6.5x's more! YEOW!". Here I was walking around thinking I was da bomb!

So, for those of you out there who are runners and do it regularly. I admire you. I'm going to try to do it again....at some point I'd like to do another race.

Slowly returning

Hi.

Thank you so much to everyone who sent me notes or comments of condolences to Kali's passing. It really means a lot and is comforting to know that people really do "get" what it is like to lose a pet. I miss her and still think about her everyday. It's only been 2 weeks and only now does it feel like my family and I are coming out of the tunnel.

The other night I started packing up all of her things that were in my apartment. I've decided to keep her bowl and leash. When I picked up her bed, a rawhide bone fell out. I laughed and then cried at the same time b/c that was typical Kali, always hiding things! Who knows how long it had been there! I packed up her toys and food, some of which Col's adorable Rufus will benefit from and the rest, along with the things my parents also packed up, were donated to the local pet shelter/humane society. When I pulled up to the shelter the other day to drop off the food and assorted things, it made me emotional again b/c it was really saying goodbye to her, but yet happy b/c I know that her things will help other dogs who have yet to find a home. 

I have been on quite a hiatus from blogging. I just haven't found the words to put it all down. I have also (if it's believable) didn't know if what I have been thinking was ready for me to put out there. I've been really pensive. I also just got back from a week long trip out to SF for work (and fun) and it really feels like I've been gone for a month, rather than just a week. I had some time to think, relax and catch up with old friends. As usual, my time with some friends always forces me to think differently and for that I am grateful. 

Spring is here and the weather is starting to get milder and milder, which means it's the perfect time to get out there and DO SOMETHING (that damn Britney Spears song just popped into my head, of course, I think she says it more like, "DO SUMTHIN"....oh, Britney....). 

So, if you are still out there and reading and interested, I'm slowly returning from the MIA hiatus and hope to find the words and time to start blogging more regularly again. Besides, there are so many things that I encounter and experience on a daily basis that are random, funny and strange that I want to record for my own amusement.

More soon....I promise.